To Hell With Being a Hero!

Chi-Woo got up from his bed and went outside.

“Did you have a good sleep? Shouldn’t you wash up a bit?” Evelyn put the pot of stew down and smiled brightly at Chi-Woo. Chi-Woo immediately headed to the bathroom, washed his face, and then sat at the dining table. While placing his spoon down, he saw Chi-Hyun stagger out of his room and drop on top of one of the chairs. He looked like the perfect corporate worker with a suit, white shirt, and necktie.

Just as he looked, Chi-Hyun was currently working for a big firm. After studying in an academy, he took the college entrance exam, got admitted to a university in Seoul, and graduated with good grades. Then, in the first year after he graduated, he succeeded in landing a job in a big company that everyone would know the name of. A year had already passed since the family congratulated Chi-Hyun on his employment.

One would think that Chi-Hyun would be happy after finally achieving his dreams, but these days, his face was dreary.

“Hey, brother. Why the glum face so early in the morning?” Chi-Woo took a spoonful of the boiling stew and asked.

“Ah, it’s all because of Empress.”

That was someone Chi-Woo knew very well even though he had never met her before. It was because Chi-Hyun had now complained to him many times about this person nicknamed ‘Empress’. A woman in her mid-thirties, she was the team leader of the company where Chi-Hyun worked. Though she was acknowledged for her competence and skills in her job, her personality was extremely strong and fierce. Thus, she was often called the ‘Head-strong General’ or ‘Empress’. And the problem was that she was Chi-Hyun’s direct superior and seemed to always go out of her way to pick on him.

“I never came in late and finished all my work properly as ordered. It drives me crazy that she always nitpicks about the smallest things whenever she sees me,” Chi-Hyun said.

“Wow, she sure is amazing. How could she pick on a legendary hero who used to be known as the epitome of flawlessness?”

“Ha. I will accept it if I did something wrong, but she is just tormenting me at this point.”

“If she’s going that far, maybe she is interested in you. You know there are people who show their interest in that way.” Evelyn sat down and gave the real answer while smiling.

“Don’t say such scary things. I don’t have the slightest interest in her. She’s not my type.” Chi-Hyun scowled and shook his head with a sigh. Then, after weakly chewing his food, he dragged his feet toward the entrance door like a domestic animal getting pulled to the slaughterhouse.

After Chi-Hyun left, Evelyn also immediately got ready for work.

“I left lunch in the refrigerator, so heat it up in the microwave if you are hungry. Nuna will come back soon. Don’t cause trouble at home in the meantime, alright baby?” Evelyn kissed Chi-Woo on the cheek and left through the entrance door. After being treated like a child, Chi-Woo looked around the room and happened to see Choi Lo-Ra and Wallie watching the TV together.

“Are you watching that magical girl animation again?” Chi-Woo approached them and asked. Lo-Ra shook her head. There was an ad playing on the TV, and a familiar face appeared on the screen.

—Do you want rock-hard abs?

The man advertising health supplements was, to his surprise, Philip. Chi-Woo checked the screen many times to confirm that he hadn’t seen it wrong.

“Wait. Isn’t that Philip?”

“Ruff.” Wallie replied that it was.

“What? Why is Mr. Philip coming out on an ad? When did he take this?”

“Ruffruff ruffruf fruffruffruff ruffruffruff.”

“It’s already been a couple of years since he had been street-casted? And he’s quite a famous celebrity now? You are asking me why I didn’t know? And that I should pay some more attention? Ah, is that so?”

Lo-Ra looked intently at Chi-Woo. Though there was nothing inaccurate about the content of his words, she seemed to wonder how Chi-Woo was able to understand Wallie.

“I see. So, Mr. Philip became a celebrity. Well, considering his personality, maybe that’s the right path for him…” Chi-Woo recalled how Philip had studied with Chi-Hyun in the beginning and then gave up in the middle saying it wasn’t for him. After that, he appeared from time to time, so Chi-Woo thought he was having a good life on his own, but he didn’t expect Philip to become a celebrity in his wildest dreams. It was then he heard the entrance door open. The person in question suddenly entered the scene.

“He~y~ Choi! It’s been a while! Did you already eat?” Philip appeared wearing dandy clothes and sunglasses. “’What? Were you guys watching my ad? I shot that a couple of days ago.”

“What is this? What happened to you?”

“Why do you ask? It’s as you see.”

“Ah, just tell me what exactly happened.”

“It’s not much of a story. I was wandering around the streets to sightsee when somebody suddenly clutched onto my arm and asked me if I wanted to be famous. So, I said yes and followed him.”

“You just followed a guy because he asked you?”

“Well, I regretted my decision in the beginning. They basically locked me up inside a building and made me train endlessly, so I wondered what kind of awful situation I had put myself into…” Philip lowered his sunglasses a little while talking. Then, he said with a smirk, “But the result is what you see now.”

“Sounds like you’ve left out a lot of details.”

“It’s fine. Even though the process was a bit tough, I am satisfied with the results.” Then Philip chuckled heartily about how busy he was these days and how he had earned a great deal of money.

“The ad I shot not so long ago became a huge hit! So, it was decided that I will shoot a joint ad with some popular girl group!”

“Ohh, a girl group? Who?”

“I bet you’ve heard of them at least once? They are—oh, they are coming out on TV right now.” As Philip said, another ad began to play on the screen.

—Ah~ Ah~ Ah~ Aqua Lipstick~

It appeared to be a lipstick ad. And even though Chi-Woo’s sense of beauty had been trained by Evelyn, in his eyes, each of the members of the group still had their own unique beauty and good style.

“Wow, you must be happy, Mr. Philip.”

“Of course. Do you know how expen~sive this ad is? It’s an ad for a product from the Vivian brand that suddenly came like a comet and is holding the world’s cosmetic industry in its clutches! Their revenue is insane!”

“I don’t know about Vivian or whatever, but besides the money, you must be overjoyed to see a famous girl group up close and even shoot an ad with them.”

“Ah…” For some reason, Philip’s face stiffened. No, it became slightly downcast.

“What is it?”

“No, well, they’re...”

“You mean the girl group that is coming out on TV right now?”

“Yeah. I don’t know, but they are…a bit… No, there’s no need for me to say that.” Philip trailed off and quickly changed the topic with a cheerful shout. “Anyway! Let me make a request since it’s been a long time since we met.”

“A request? If you are asking me to use my powers to grant a wish, that will never happen.”

“Hey! Who do you think I am!”

“Then what is it?”

“Ehem! I just want you to accept my gifts.”

Chi-Woo’s eyes widened.

“It’s nothing big, but do you have plans on moving soon?”

“Moving…? Why suddenly?”

“No~ It’s not sudden.” Philip shook his index finger. “There’s your father, mother, Sir Chi-Hyun, Lady Evelyn, Lo-Ra, Hyo-Seol, Ah-Ra, and Wallie. That’s a total of ten people.” Philip spread out his finger every time he mentioned a name.

“Yes?”

“And it will soon be sixteen.”

“Wait, sixteen?”

“Why do you ask? According to Lady Evelyn, she plans to have at least two children.”

“That makes only twelve in the end.”

“Hyo-Seol and Ah-Ra both said they will have two kids each as well.”

“…” Chi-Woo wondered why the hell Philip would know things concerning him that even he didn’t know. But besides that, Chi-Woo was more curious about something else.

“But why do you call them Hyo-Seol and Ah-Ra? You can just call them Eshnunna and Hawa like before.”

“Come on. You should follow the Earth’s way on Earth.” Philip fake-coughed and quickly continued. “Anyway, even now, there are eleven people. I’m not saying this house is bad, but isn’t it a bit too small?”

This was true. They were currently living in a 1000-square-feet house with only two rooms and one bathroom. Chi-Woo might think otherwise, but like ordinary people, other residents of the house would naturally feel uncomfortable with the living situation.

“Now that you bring it up, my parents are also planning to move…”

“Yeah! Hearing that, I got an outstanding apartment for all of us!”

“An apartment? Where?”

“Don’t get too shocked when you hear it. It’s—the So Young apartment!”

Chi-Woo furrowed his eyebrows. His originally expectant gaze now seemed to be asking Philip what kind of apartment name that was.

“Huh? What’s with your response?” Thus, Philip looked back at Chi-Woo in astonishment. “You don’t know the So Young apartment? Never heard of it?”

“No, I don’t know. I’m not interested in real estate.”

“What? Are you kidding me? How could you know less about this country than me? Ha, I can’t let this be. Come here.” Philip proceeded to explain that it was a super high-end residential complex built by the country’s biggest company, SY, and that it was a place one couldn’t just buy even with tens of millions of won.

“And the place I purchased is among the best. They don’t just let anyone in no matter how rich they are.”

“And how did you buy such an amazing apartment, Mr. Philip?”

“With my great skills, of course. Hahaha.” Philip winked and smirked. Chi-Woo let out a deep sigh.

“Anyway, there’s nothing I can say when you’ve already bought the place. Now, we have no choice but to move.”

“Yeah, what’s good is good. And there’s no fun in me staying in a huge space by myself. It will be more fun the more bustling the place is.” Philip repeated his offer many times saying that there was no other way for him to pay back Chi-Woo, who had helped him start a new life. In the end, Chi-Woo caved under Philip’s relentless persuasion and held a meeting as the head of the house. Everyone agreed to the idea, and it was decided that they would move into the So Young apartment complex unit 101.

***

It was just as Philip said. After completing their move, the Choi family found themselves gaping at the So Young apartment, unable to recover their jaws. The residence was already set up to support all forms of living and oozed luxury and money. While others were looking around the house, Eshnunna pulled Chi-Woo by the hand and dragged him outside. It was to observe the view there.

Eshnunna looked very happy. It was because they got to live in a place she had only seen on the internet. And after wandering around here and there, she stopped walking.

“Oh, look over there.”

She pointed at a store somewhere on the first floor. Judging by the sign, it appeared to be some kind of ramen shop. Chi-Woo tilted his head. How could a luxurious residence complex like this have a ramen shop? It looked quite out of place.

“That place is really famous,” Eshnunna then said.

“Really? Should we have a try then?”

“We probably can’t. See? The door is closed.”

“Oh yeah, it is. When do they open?”

“I don’t know. It depends on the owner. The owner opens the shop when they want to and closes it when they want to.”

“What? What kind of business plan is that?”

“But if you hear the reviews of people who had the chance to eat there, they say that the taste is unbelievable. They say it’s not just any ramen.” Eshnunna’s mouth seemed to salivate just at the thought, and she gulped. But Chi-Woo laughed in disbelief.

“Ramen is just ramen. How could it be that special?”

“Who knows? Every single person who has tried it says that it’s the most delicious ramen in the universe…”

Chi-Woo laughed when hearing this. Of course, he knew it was just an expression, but as someone who had reached the greatest position in the universe, he could laugh at this.

“What if the reviews were paid? Or written by the shop’s employees?”

“That could be true. Haha. But think about it. It’s the most delicious ramen in the universe.”

It did make Chi-Woo curious if there was a place really like that. Besides, it was quite chilly right now, and he wanted to fill his stomach with some warm soup.

“Then, should we go check it out?”

“How?”

“Have you heard the story, ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves?”

“I do. I learned hangul with that.” [1]

“Good. Then, here you go.” Moving the loops inside him, a mirror appeared in his hand. It was a mirror that could answer any question, be it a secret or a legend, and it contained all the information in the universe.

“What is that mirror?” Eshnunna asked in surprise; she still didn’t seem to know what to do with it.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall.” Thus, Chi-Woo decided to give her a demonstration. “Who is the fairest person on Earth?”

Light seeped out of the mirror, and a voice flowed out.

—It is currently Lady Evelyn.

A lady’s face was reflected in the mirror: it was Evelyn. Eshnunna looked at the mirror in shock, and Chi-Woo was also a bit surprised. How could the mirror say that it was the case ‘currently’?

“Then what about later?” Chi-Woo asked.

—It will change to this person in ten years.

A girl with flowing red hair and a slightly sour face came to view. The child looked about six or seven.

“Who is this?”

—It’s Lady Suna.

Chi-Woo crossed his arms. He couldn’t believe that this child would grow up to be a woman whose beauty surpassed even Evelyn’s.

“Well, whatever. All that matters is that she’s most beautiful to me,” Chi-Woo said and cleared his throat.

“Then—” he started. “Where is the most delicious ramen shop in the universe?”

The mirror began to shine again.

1. Korean writing system ☜